Doubt

Doubt

Wow I thought I had come so far from the doubt.. I thought I had found my strength and my inner-voice. But I have realized that it doesn’t take much to let doubt sink in. I am not sure that it is a bad thing. I have not really decided. Doubt makes me take a personal inventory of process and the whys of what I do, to be sure that I am really following the divines path and not my own. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I need to be sure that my human side is not influencing my mission I am here to do for the, “other side” So self-assessment is never a bad thing! This I understand. My issue today is, “doubt” wondering if I have been doing the things I was put here to do, wondering if I have over stepped boundaries  with people, wondering if I have changed people’s lives for the good. I am fairly new to accepting and using my gifts, so I suspect this will probably become an easier and I hope stream lined process as I move forward. Right now I find myself taking a self -inventory of why.

Why did I say what I said, when a week ago when the words were there, there were no doubts, no second thoughts, I had prayed that what needed to be said, be said and that I be a vehicle for whatever the Divine needed me to do. God knows I am his vehicle, and I am more than willing to use the gifts He gave me to help others. I sit here wondering,, pondering events from a rather large intervention last weekend, processing all that happened and wondering-who did I help, what did I fix, who did I heal. I am so torn by the ease and feeling of last weekend. While the process was happening, I just let it happen, and now in reflection I wonder.

Is this doubt, this “why curiosity” my human side interfering, Is it my humanness rearing its head-or is it what needs to happen so I keep myself in line with the journey my soul is on?

I don’t know the answer, last weekend, it’s all so new to me, and I suspect I will have to pray and meditate a lot following another intervention so I can process it earlier instead of letting it grow into doubt.

I did not reflect or meditate on the events prior to now and I suspect that is where my error comes in at. I cannot master my own emotions by ignoring them, a lesson I know all too well. I know that this is ramblings and I understand it may not help anyone, but I had to release it and I had to let it go-I had to let the universe know  that I am in fact searching for these answers and that my life purpose  is under direct attack at this very moment. I will find my peace only in the Divines guidance! I will report back after my journey of reflection is complete!! J

Blessings

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What is Ego??

I have had some interesting conversations with friends about ego lately. After reflection, in a matter of minutes, this flew out on paper, so here it i
What is Ego?
 Ego is nothing more than a self-manifested sense of spirituality. In that, I mean it is our human belief system about the world and how we affect it and what we WANT from it.
The difference between ego and spirituality is simply, "the self"
In an ego driven spiritual conquest, we look for satisfaction or happiness by being a part of something bigger than ourselves. Yet, we only desire to be a part of this, because it makes us, "feel" good. It makes us "feel" complete. We do things we "feel" are right or wrong. We base our concept of right and wrong on the way those decisions make us, "feel". Don't misunderstand me, feelings are not the enemy, per say, but it is a tool of the ego, that must be understood in order to keep it in its rightful place.
Our ego is there to protect us from others who might hurt us and situations which are not healthy to our physical well being. It’s our internal alarm system if you will. Is it necessary? By all means, yes, it is very necessary. However, because we all know its value in that context, it is so easy for us to mistake the emotions or feelings about a situation as being right or wrong spiritually, based on how they make us, “feel”, when in fact the situation, as we see it, may be ego driven and not spiritual at all. Just because a situation “feels” good does not always mean it is, right, spiritually.
Wait, but doesn't being spiritual make you feel good? Sometimes. Sometimes you are on top of the world, you have had an, "AHA" moment and the fog of emotions has just cleared from your ego and you have clarity that makes you, "feel" good. But, that is when the, “AHA” moment is divine driven, when the answers have been searched for with in the spiritual realm of your soul and not your ego. It is not a feeling of, “good” it is a feeling of complete contentment, a feeling of fresh breath, deep within your soul.
But sometimes that, "AHA" moment is an answer in which our ego feels threatened, because it isn't what we wanted to hear at all. It is in those moments when we are tested. We decide to either give into the ego or look within the other realm of our souls for guidance and comfort to a greater understanding of right and wrong. It is in these moments, when we decide, ego or Divine. Keep in mind the divine path, although it is the right path and will truly give you that complete contentment, and that same feeling of fresh breath, deep within your soul. It is not always the easiest. It may be painful and it may hurt, on an emotional egotistical level, but at the end of the path is the growth and wisdom gained from journeying a path built just for you and your spiritual growth and transformation. Is it easy? No. But, if to journey down the road less traveled increases your spiritual awareness, then it becomes a road that is necessary to travel. It is necessary to learn to die to our ego driven emotions and in doing so we can understand the Divines intentions for our lives. We can learn to find the comfort and the peace through our spiritual being and not through our ego, to find the truth in right and wrong, and the wisdom contained within the path less traveled.
Ego, with its feelings, can protect us but it can also hinder our spiritual growth. We have to learn to not give ego precedence over the Divine guidance of right and wrong in our lives. We have to learn to appreciate the Ego and its Feelings for what they offer us in our human existence, but understand it is not there as a spiritual compass. That our spiritual growth must come from a place with in our souls and the realm in which it is the most comfortable. Our souls cannot gain wisdom from the Divine if we allow our choices to be guided by our emotions and cluttered by our egos.
I would like to encourage all of you to search within yourselves about choices you may not be seeing clearly through the Divines eyes. I encourage you to look for truth and guidance from the Divine and not your ego. Look for areas in which you may want a specific, “thing” and you have justified it with your own ego and not true Divine guidance.
Love and Blessings to you all.

My life just before Easter seemed completely out of wack! I knew obviously meditation was needed and I had just started reading a new book regarding Jesus and the untold truth about his life. The point in this is that I found a Meditation prayer that I have been doing 2x daily, each morning upon awaking and evening as I prepare for sleep. I have been doing it for a solid 3 weeks now and I can not believe the progress I have made recently. Positive things are coming into my life by the numbers, I quit smoking cold Turkey and feel amazing! I have motivation I haven't seen in months, and my attitude has changed 180 degrees. My patience for my children, my life, and my own human errors have been incredible, and it has been so easy for me to find compassion for others, especially in situations that I couldn't before. I thought it would be an amazing meditation to share, and it has been the first prayer that has truly helped me with the mediation state! I have been sleeping amazing as well, which for so many months seemed impossible! I hope others find this meditation as amazing as I do!

FATHER-MOTHER LIFE, you are my life, my constant support, my health, my protection, my perfect fulfillment of every need and my highest inspiration.

I ask you to reveal the true Reality of Yourself to me. I know it is your WILL that I shall be fully illumined that I may better receive awareness of Your Presence within and around me. I believe and know that this is possible. I believe that you protect and maintain me within perfect LOVE. I know that my eventual purpose is to EXPRESS YOU.

As I speak to you, I know that you are perfectly receptive of me, for you are UNIVERSAL LOVING INTELLIGENCE, which has so marvelously designed this world and brought it into visible form.

I know, that as I ask YOU to speak to me, I am sending out a consciousness searchlight into your Divine Consciousness and as I listen, YOU will be penetrating my human consciousness and coming ever closer to my increasingly receptive mind and heart.

I commit myself and my life into your care.

After the prayer, relax even deeper and let your mind go as blank as you can. If thoughts intrude, gently recite “Divine Life” or “Father-mother-life” and quieten your mind.

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      Have you ever heard the comment, “I just don’t know who I really am anymore?”  Better yet, have you ever felt that way?I have heard myself saying this lately.

Is this an accurate assessment of how I really feel right now? 

Do I really not know who I am? OR do I just not know where I am going at this time?

Maybe it’s a bit of both. 

I decided to really reflect on these questions because I think that so many people have asked these same questions at one time or another.

           I decided to use some professional quizzes that are typically given to employees in certain professional fields. Employers now use different personality assessment quizzes or tests to try and find out how employees think and act and what job will fit them best, even whom they will get along with best, and last but not least how the boss can communicate with them.

   I took them, I think all of them!!! But I will focus on the two most widely accepted. The Meyers Briggs or MBTI-more information can be found at http://www.myersbriggs.org and the Kiersey Temperment sorter. More information ca be found at www.Kiersey.com. I lucked out, I had access to these through my professors.

  First, I took the MBTI- It said I am an INTJ borderline INFJ

      

About a month ago my strongest personality was INTJ  according to the Kiersey temperament sorter-which is a test administered to help narrow down difficult MBTI cases like my own-ok so we at least have it narrowed down, right?

Oh sure-if only it were so easy!!

OK, a little background on myself might help here, I am currently a business major with one year left until I will walk with my bach degree. I am currently a 3.95 GPA (I HAVE 2 more As as of tomorrow so that should be going up-those pesky B+ from before)!!! I have joined 3 national honor societies this year based on my academic achievement and one for my community involvement and academic achievements. It was in the middle of a semester I took these tests, both of them.

              That all being said the INTJ did seem to fit my rational mind, my thirst for knowledge, my draw to educational pursuits. But it did not explain my intrinsic need or ability understand and want to help others, my deep seeded need to understand what makes them, tick and why. It doesn’t explain my irrational job search in which I refuse to work for a company that makes weapons for war. I knew that some of what this description said fit but some just didn’t. 

               Now I DO realize these, “tests” are not the, “answers” to my life’s questions, they are only man made tests. But I was really curious.  THEY are JUST a quiz's of sorts- but they have, however, proven to be uncannily correct as I have made sooooo many friends and family members take them-just so I could see it’s validity for my own personal satisfaction (And that would be INTJ and my INFJ working together).

             

           This then brings me too yesterday, as the discussion was had, between a friend of mine and I, about how we process information differently. It is fabulous that we do because I see a side of things I would not see if it was not for her. But, when she left I started to ponder, I wonder , hmmm, now that my business classes are on break and I am focusing more on my institution and writing and less on business matters and , “thinking”, yep, I am going to take the test again. I was not shocked when the Kiersey sorter pointed the way to the INFJ. I am now not focused on school and that thinking side of myself right now but instead my inborn nature. I was working in my own native personality. Where I was truly comfortable, writing. I read several pages with descriptions of the inter-working's of my own personality, I googled and googled information on the personality I was born with, that I am growing and evolving in order to become the best me, I can be.

        In the descriptions they all seemed to say that I needed to focus on the T or thinking side during my midlife area, they all encouraged me to make the thinking side of myself stronger, which is exactly what I have been doing. I am sure my guides have been helping me to do this growing, knowing it is the growth I needed. However, I became too reliant on the Thinking side, I began to rely more on it and less on my inborn personality and the psychic abilities I have.  I became confused as to who I really was. Am I really this cold analytical thinker like the INTJ? If I am then why do I have so many psychic gifts? What would an emotionally cold person do with the gifts-hmmm?

                 SO what I learned from both my guides through meditation on this subject and "guided" research from my guides is that even though I may not understand or, “know” myself at times that my guides do. They know exactly who I am, and the path I am on, and what I am here to do. So even when I don’t know myself, I can trust that as long as I follow my intuition, my guides advice, And by continually searching for answers in regards to my life and the answers to the WHY’s around me and my purpose in this world, then I will be heading in the right direction!!! 

         I will still be, “me” just an “unbeknownst to myself”, a sometimes growing, “me”. 

        This was definitely a journey of introspection using thinking and feeling. I can totally see where these two forms combined can really come in handy, a year ago I was able to blend the two in amazing harmony in all of my classes. Yet the past 2 semester I have really struggled to get back into that grove. I think it’s because I wanted to let go of the psychic side of me and rely solely on the thinking. But I will never stop being who i was born to be, who I am, it’s what I am, I am intuitive feeler, the T part is there so I can become A BETTER ME. 

Once again-I owe my guides, and Angels, Mother God, Father God for keeping my best interest, even when I'm too wrapped in my own life to even see it!!!! 

It’s so nice to have some perspective!!!!!

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