Have you ever heard the comment, “I just don’t know who I really am anymore?” Better yet, have you ever felt that way?I have heard myself saying this lately.
Is this an accurate assessment of how I really feel right now?
Do I really not know who I am? OR do I just not know where I am going at this time?
Maybe it’s a bit of both.
I decided to really reflect on these questions because I think that so many people have asked these same questions at one time or another.
I decided to use some professional quizzes that are typically given to employees in certain professional fields. Employers now use different personality assessment quizzes or tests to try and find out how employees think and act and what job will fit them best, even whom they will get along with best, and last but not least how the boss can communicate with them.
I took them, I think all of them!!! But I will focus on the two most widely accepted. The Meyers Briggs or MBTI-more information can be found at http://www.myersbriggs.org and the Kiersey Temperment sorter. More information ca be found at www.Kiersey.com. I lucked out, I had access to these through my professors.
First, I took the MBTI- It said I am an INTJ borderline INFJ
About a month ago my strongest personality was INTJ according to the Kiersey temperament sorter-which is a test administered to help narrow down difficult MBTI cases like my own-ok so we at least have it narrowed down, right?
Oh sure-if only it were so easy!!
OK, a little background on myself might help here, I am currently a business major with one year left until I will walk with my bach degree. I am currently a 3.95 GPA (I HAVE 2 more As as of tomorrow so that should be going up-those pesky B+ from before)!!! I have joined 3 national honor societies this year based on my academic achievement and one for my community involvement and academic achievements. It was in the middle of a semester I took these tests, both of them.
That all being said the INTJ did seem to fit my rational mind, my thirst for knowledge, my draw to educational pursuits. But it did not explain my intrinsic need or ability understand and want to help others, my deep seeded need to understand what makes them, tick and why. It doesn’t explain my irrational job search in which I refuse to work for a company that makes weapons for war. I knew that some of what this description said fit but some just didn’t.
Now I DO realize these, “tests” are not the, “answers” to my life’s questions, they are only man made tests. But I was really curious. THEY are JUST a quiz's of sorts- but they have, however, proven to be uncannily correct as I have made sooooo many friends and family members take them-just so I could see it’s validity for my own personal satisfaction (And that would be INTJ and my INFJ working together).
This then brings me too yesterday, as the discussion was had, between a friend of mine and I, about how we process information differently. It is fabulous that we do because I see a side of things I would not see if it was not for her. But, when she left I started to ponder, I wonder , hmmm, now that my business classes are on break and I am focusing more on my institution and writing and less on business matters and , “thinking”, yep, I am going to take the test again. I was not shocked when the Kiersey sorter pointed the way to the INFJ. I am now not focused on school and that thinking side of myself right now but instead my inborn nature. I was working in my own native personality. Where I was truly comfortable, writing. I read several pages with descriptions of the inter-working's of my own personality, I googled and googled information on the personality I was born with, that I am growing and evolving in order to become the best me, I can be.
In the descriptions they all seemed to say that I needed to focus on the T or thinking side during my midlife area, they all encouraged me to make the thinking side of myself stronger, which is exactly what I have been doing. I am sure my guides have been helping me to do this growing, knowing it is the growth I needed. However, I became too reliant on the Thinking side, I began to rely more on it and less on my inborn personality and the psychic abilities I have. I became confused as to who I really was. Am I really this cold analytical thinker like the INTJ? If I am then why do I have so many psychic gifts? What would an emotionally cold person do with the gifts-hmmm?
SO what I learned from both my guides through meditation on this subject and "guided" research from my guides is that even though I may not understand or, “know” myself at times that my guides do. They know exactly who I am, and the path I am on, and what I am here to do. So even when I don’t know myself, I can trust that as long as I follow my intuition, my guides advice, And by continually searching for answers in regards to my life and the answers to the WHY’s around me and my purpose in this world, then I will be heading in the right direction!!!
I will still be, “me” just an “unbeknownst to myself”, a sometimes growing, “me”.
This was definitely a journey of introspection using thinking and feeling. I can totally see where these two forms combined can really come in handy, a year ago I was able to blend the two in amazing harmony in all of my classes. Yet the past 2 semester I have really struggled to get back into that grove. I think it’s because I wanted to let go of the psychic side of me and rely solely on the thinking. But I will never stop being who i was born to be, who I am, it’s what I am, I am intuitive feeler, the T part is there so I can become A BETTER ME.
Once again-I owe my guides, and Angels, Mother God, Father God for keeping my best interest, even when I'm too wrapped in my own life to even see it!!!!
It’s so nice to have some perspective!!!!!
